I used my facebook and a Surrogate website that I am apart of to track and blog about my first journey, so I will catch everyone up on that DREAM before moving on to Journey #2 which at this time there is not too much to talk about. I have seen and heard about so many journey's some good, some bad, some indifferent, but none like mine! Maybe I am partial, but I guess you can tell me after you read!
I had been in the Surrogacy World for 10 years prior to even looking to become a surrogate or start a journey. My aunt really opened my eyes to surrogacy due to her own fertility issues. I saw the pain this caused her, a pain that doesn't get better or go away. There are so many reasons why I waited that long to become a surrogate... I wanted to be mature enough, financially stable, emotionally stable, in a relationship with someone who supported my dream of being a surrogate, finished having my own children, etc...
In April 2012 I felt it was the perfect time to start my first journey! I contacted a local family law attorney to start the process of finding IPs ( Intended Parents ) to carry for. I received an email from Maria stating she had an IF ( Intended Father ) who was looking for a GS ( Gestational Surrogate) to carry for him and he was interested in meeting with me to see if we were a good match! We set our first meeting date for April 19th 2012 at Panera Bread!!!! I was so excited to meet Stefanos, a weird feeling that is impossible to explain.
So it's the day of the meeting and I swear my heart is about to beat out of my chest and I can barely compose myself for our introduction! When I get to Panera I look at the cars wondering which one is his, all the men that I walk past which is him, and thinking of what I will say. I walk in the doors and there stands Maria with a huge smile on her face, standing next to a man who wore the same anxious face as me. I introduce myself and shake his hand wondering if he would notice how nervous I was because my hands were so clammy.
We all sat together with our drinks and start to talk about ourselves and what we have been dreaming of for so long "A Journey". I have always been so passionate about surrogacy and I know I portrayed that to Stefanos. I tried to control myself and not overwhelm him with information, but by the look on his face I think it was too late. I remember how excited he was about starting this, how much he really wanted to be a father, and how at peace my heart felt knowing at that moment he was always "The One". As the meeting ended I felt very good about this match, but we both needed to agree so Maria said we can both email her later with our decision, so on to the nail biting wait for an answer...
A few days later I get the sweetest email from Stefanos and can I say those few days felt like a lifetime, he says he wants to MOVE FORWARD!!!!! I seriously screamed out, I was so excited because I truly knew in my heart this was going to be a dream come true. The next steps were getting the contract in order, medical screening and on to the transfer! In the meantime Stefanos and I work on building a foundation for our journey together.
So I got my screening appointment with the clinic for June 7th and everything went great passed with a GOLDEN uterus, contract is completed in late July, and our TRANSFER date is August 21st!!!! Can I just say absolutely nothing happens fast in the surrogacy world, it's a hurry up and wait game! The medications by the way are NOT the most exciting part of the journey. I was taking BCP for about three months prior to transfer, Lupron for one month, progesterone for 12 weeks, and estradiol about 18 weeks. Luckily, only the Lupron was injectable...
On August 21st 2012 we transfer TWO perfect day 5 grade AA embryos! I was told I couldn't talk for the rest of the day then to take it easy for the next 72 hours... NOT TALK, OMG this was going to be quite the challenge! Our first beta ( Blood work for HCG levels) was scheduled for 2 weeks out, AHHHHH the dreaded 2WW (2 Week Wait)! I start testing on HPT ( Home Pregnancy Test) as soon as I get home, LOL! I am not afraid to admit I am a POAS A HOLIC (pee on a stick)!
On August 25th 2012 we get our first 2 PINK lines, WE'RE PREGNANT! 4DP5DT, I couldn't believe it and in all my joy I stop to realize that both embryo's MADE a HOME! I call Stefanos to see if he wanted me to tell him because in earlier days we had agreed I would not tell him results... He finally says YES and I send him a text of the test! We announce the news to everyone on facebook and the Journey has begun! The support Stefanos and I had made the journey that much better!
We had our first sonogram in September and the doctor confirms that it's TWINS!!!!! OMG, I knew it... I cried looking at Stefanos standing there holding my hand looking at his beautiful babies on the screen as they thrive inside me. That was one of the greatest moments I have ever been a part of and to this day I still get Goosebumps thinking about it. We have a follow up sono so the RE can see more growth to confirm a healthy pregnancy about two weeks later and at that time we are released to an OB for a NORMAL pregnancy.
We are on top of the world for sure and I am sick as a dog! OMG, twins are NOT easy and they were killing me with the high levels of HCG they were releasing into my poor body!!!! I seriously had all day sickness until 15 weeks, everything made me sick even water! How cute is Stef one night he drives over and leaves me the cutest basket of all my favorite treats that I told him I liked to eat when I was pregnant. He didn't even knock just left it on the door... I love that guy!
The pregnancy moves along with only one bump, the huge one I carried in front of me!!! I was showing at 15 weeks like I was six months, LOL! Stef and I talked every day, I sent weekly pictures, and we both were feeling great about the journey together. I even then could not have imagined taking this journey with anyone else and thanked my lucky stars it was him! We communicated so well it was unbelievable how comfortable we were, like we had known each other our whole lives...
At 16 weeks I had a regular appointment and an ultrasound was not scheduled it was the only appointment Stef didn't attend and half way through the visit I realize I am going in for an ULTRASOUND!!! In this ultrasound they were able to tell the sex and hear the heartbeats for the first time! I panic and call him to get him there or let him hear over the phone, and to find out what to do about the sex?! He is beyond angry at the OB for making him miss this... He listens to the heartbeat and we have the tech put the pictures with their sexes in a sealed envelope so we can find out together! It's a BOY and GIRL, how perfect!
At 18 weeks we have a little bleed which scared everyone to death and the worst part was Stef was in Cypress at the time, yikes! I was so scared, but it was a very common thing with twins and after that honestly it was smooth sailing other than the fact I was carrying TWINS... Let’s just say he never left the state again! I was lucky that the bleed was the only issue I had while I was pregnant considering the amount of stress they put on your body and risks you face.
In the 3rd trimester we had appointments every two weeks then later on every week, so after our appointments COCONUT cake was our escape and OMG was it good. Even if I could not eat anything that coconut cake was going down! I never ate dessert before I met Stefanos and now no meal is complete without it! I swear he gained more weight than I did and he blamed me for every pound of it! FAT KID!
I loved being pregnant with the Twins it was such a great experience and Stefanos made it even better. He was so involved, more involved then I have ever seen or heard another be. It made the journey that much better. I thought it would be hard to carry for a guy seeing they have no idea what women go through, much less being pregnant with a HUMAN being. He tried his best to understand and be supportive of my needs and moods... I was actually very nice while I was pregnant, well that's what Tanya my partner says!
At 38 weeks and two days we had a regular OB visit, this was actually special because Stefanos mom had flown in and was attending. I expected the US and check up, but not the doctor saying "why are you still pregnant"? HUH, because you want to see me suffer? He says to me go in on Sunday say your having contractions and I won't let you go home... OMG, I could have kissed this guy! When I got out of the room I must have been glowing because everyone was asking what was going on. I told them that in two days we would be meeting these beautiful miracles!
It's SUNDAY! I can't believe it, but when I get the monitoring started I really was contracting, so around 9:30AM we were admitted for the BIG DAY! At 10:00AM we were taken to our room, L&D room 8! Tanya, Stefanos, His mother, and I were all together in the room waiting for the arrival of these magical little babies... At 12:00PM they checked my cervix and I was 4cm dilated and 80% effaced! I got the EPI around 12:30PM I HATE EPI's with a passion so of course it was horrible had to be stuck twice before they got a good line.... After the EPI was placed my BP bottomed out and I almost fainted! YIKES!
After the EPI I was a bit more comfortable so we were all able to joke around and try to envision how the night was going to go, taking bets on times delivered and weights! Stefanos said 6PM, I said 7PM, Tanya said 8PM, and Stefanos Mom said 10PM! At 4:30PM I had another cervical check and there was NO change :( They increased pitocin to try to get things going. Around 6PM my midwife came in and decided to break Nicholas water to speed things up... At 8:45PM I was checked again and had progressed to 6cm 90% effaced, GETTING closer! The EPI was working great so I was pretty comfortable!
At 9PM I started to have horrible pains/pressure so I was checked several times with progress each time. Around 9:30PM the pressure had changed so I was checked I was 9.5 cm and 100% all I had to do was push through a little cervix and BAM! I pushed for about a hour off and on when I felt the need. At 10PM I was rushed to the OR to deliver because I was READY and nothing was stopping me from pushing! By the time we got down the hall to the OR I pushed twice and N FLEW out!!!!! HAPPY Birthday Baby Boy!
Now it was time to turn baby B A so the doctors started to turn her and after about a half an hour of unbelievable PAIN the doctor said he could not turn her and my worst fears came true I needed a Csection... :( I was so afraid and immediately zoned out. The OR filled with people and started to prep for the Csection... In the middle of the Csection I got sick and the anesthesiologist was no where to be found luckily my partner turned my head to keep me from choking on the throw up... AT 10:59PM A was born BUTT first!!!! Happy Birthday Baby Girl!!!!!
The anesthesiologist gave me medicine because I was so sick so I was in and out and remember very little after that.... I lost a lot of blood during the Csection and didn't finish until 12:30AM. I woke up in recovery hysterically crying because I had failed and had a Csection :( I was so upset and nothing was calming me down until Stefanos brought me N (baby A) and I immediately felt better! He was so beautiful and prefect in every way! Me and Stefanos shared emotions and I forgot about everything only thing I could think about was how beautiful this baby was and the new life I seen in Stefanos eyes! Stefanos brought A (baby B) in to see me, my little trouble maker and I felt so proud and relived they were both safe and healthy! I fell even more in love with the three of them that moment.
Out of the horrible night and delivery all I can remember are the things Stefanos said to me, the babies, and the new found love I have for them. I was taken from recovery to my room #21 with Tanya, and Stefanos, the babies, and his Mom were taken to their room next door #22! There was very little sleep that night between the nurses, pain, and pure joy knowing what had just happened. The next morning I woke to a text from Stefanos of the babies first morning!!!! I could feel the happiness inside my HEART! We all spent the day going in between rooms getting our love on! Tanya and I fed the babies, cuddled, smelled, etc... all day! Since the delivery we have been together and could not be happier.
I was in so much pain from the deliveries and when I was laying down or doing something I felt like I might die, but as soon as I had one of them in my arms or just be in their presence I feel like I could take on the world! They were my medicine! The babies are perfectly healthy!!!! I am so blessed to complete such an amazing family! I would sit looking at the babies thinking WOW I did that! I baked twins full term to perfection! I would do it all over again for my sweet surro family! I got so very very lucky.
We are released three days later and I remember them in the hallway in their stroller with S holding their things, I was standing in my room and just started to cry uncontrollably not because I was giving my babies away, but because "Our Journey" had ended... My heart actually hurt! Stef comes into to hug me goodbye and says " this is not the end only the beginning, my friend" and in those words I found the strength to say " see you later"!
I finish packing my bags to be discharged staying strong and trying not to think of it as GOODBYE forever! Nurse comes in puts me in the wheelchair and asks " are you going to be okay"? OH God please NOOOO, don't ask that! With that very innocent question the flood gates opened and I cried all the way to the car and for most of that day. My Mother and sister came to visit me after I got home and boy was I out of it.
My mom posted a little blog about how she felt about me that day and let's just say she must have thought I didn't cry enough already! She says I looked lost, like I didn't know what to do next and I was. I remember trying to do things and I would zone out and start to cry, DAMN hormones! For the last year I had given my mind, body, soul, and family to Stefanos and our Surrogacy and in one event it had all ended so naturally I had to get my footing again.
I loved getting pictures of the twins, visiting, and continuing the same amount of communication Stef and I had before! This made my healing time so much easier and faster! The first 3 weeks for me and many of the surrogates I talk to are the hardest, trying to find yourself again and who you are without your surro family is one of the hardest things. I remember people assuming it was about missing the babies and always trying to explain it was "Our Journey" it was my Stef I missed so much. No one can truly understand a surrogates feelings when it comes to her journey sometimes not even other surrogates.
I could write in this blog about Our Journey FOREVER, but I won't! I am happy to say I have pretty much seen the twins and Stef every week since delivery! This is not common and I have never heard or seen a story that ended like mine, but God knows I don't take it for granted and every visit is a truly a reward. We have a wonderful relationship one I can not easily explain and will maybe do that at another time. We still text everyday, visit weekly, pictures, and of course EAT... FAT KIDS!
I love Stef and those babies more than I ever expected or thought possible. My world I know is a better place with them in it and the thought of them any where else is not even an option. I don't know how to label "who" they are in my world all I can say is they complete me! I am forever changed by one dream, one journey, and one family!
At 38 weeks and two days we had a regular OB visit, this was actually special because Stefanos mom had flown in and was attending. I expected the US and check up, but not the doctor saying "why are you still pregnant"? HUH, because you want to see me suffer? He says to me go in on Sunday say your having contractions and I won't let you go home... OMG, I could have kissed this guy! When I got out of the room I must have been glowing because everyone was asking what was going on. I told them that in two days we would be meeting these beautiful miracles!
It's SUNDAY! I can't believe it, but when I get the monitoring started I really was contracting, so around 9:30AM we were admitted for the BIG DAY! At 10:00AM we were taken to our room, L&D room 8! Tanya, Stefanos, His mother, and I were all together in the room waiting for the arrival of these magical little babies... At 12:00PM they checked my cervix and I was 4cm dilated and 80% effaced! I got the EPI around 12:30PM I HATE EPI's with a passion so of course it was horrible had to be stuck twice before they got a good line.... After the EPI was placed my BP bottomed out and I almost fainted! YIKES!
After the EPI I was a bit more comfortable so we were all able to joke around and try to envision how the night was going to go, taking bets on times delivered and weights! Stefanos said 6PM, I said 7PM, Tanya said 8PM, and Stefanos Mom said 10PM! At 4:30PM I had another cervical check and there was NO change :( They increased pitocin to try to get things going. Around 6PM my midwife came in and decided to break Nicholas water to speed things up... At 8:45PM I was checked again and had progressed to 6cm 90% effaced, GETTING closer! The EPI was working great so I was pretty comfortable!
At 9PM I started to have horrible pains/pressure so I was checked several times with progress each time. Around 9:30PM the pressure had changed so I was checked I was 9.5 cm and 100% all I had to do was push through a little cervix and BAM! I pushed for about a hour off and on when I felt the need. At 10PM I was rushed to the OR to deliver because I was READY and nothing was stopping me from pushing! By the time we got down the hall to the OR I pushed twice and N FLEW out!!!!! HAPPY Birthday Baby Boy!
Now it was time to turn baby B A so the doctors started to turn her and after about a half an hour of unbelievable PAIN the doctor said he could not turn her and my worst fears came true I needed a Csection... :( I was so afraid and immediately zoned out. The OR filled with people and started to prep for the Csection... In the middle of the Csection I got sick and the anesthesiologist was no where to be found luckily my partner turned my head to keep me from choking on the throw up... AT 10:59PM A was born BUTT first!!!! Happy Birthday Baby Girl!!!!!
The anesthesiologist gave me medicine because I was so sick so I was in and out and remember very little after that.... I lost a lot of blood during the Csection and didn't finish until 12:30AM. I woke up in recovery hysterically crying because I had failed and had a Csection :( I was so upset and nothing was calming me down until Stefanos brought me N (baby A) and I immediately felt better! He was so beautiful and prefect in every way! Me and Stefanos shared emotions and I forgot about everything only thing I could think about was how beautiful this baby was and the new life I seen in Stefanos eyes! Stefanos brought A (baby B) in to see me, my little trouble maker and I felt so proud and relived they were both safe and healthy! I fell even more in love with the three of them that moment.
Out of the horrible night and delivery all I can remember are the things Stefanos said to me, the babies, and the new found love I have for them. I was taken from recovery to my room #21 with Tanya, and Stefanos, the babies, and his Mom were taken to their room next door #22! There was very little sleep that night between the nurses, pain, and pure joy knowing what had just happened. The next morning I woke to a text from Stefanos of the babies first morning!!!! I could feel the happiness inside my HEART! We all spent the day going in between rooms getting our love on! Tanya and I fed the babies, cuddled, smelled, etc... all day! Since the delivery we have been together and could not be happier.
I was in so much pain from the deliveries and when I was laying down or doing something I felt like I might die, but as soon as I had one of them in my arms or just be in their presence I feel like I could take on the world! They were my medicine! The babies are perfectly healthy!!!! I am so blessed to complete such an amazing family! I would sit looking at the babies thinking WOW I did that! I baked twins full term to perfection! I would do it all over again for my sweet surro family! I got so very very lucky.
We are released three days later and I remember them in the hallway in their stroller with S holding their things, I was standing in my room and just started to cry uncontrollably not because I was giving my babies away, but because "Our Journey" had ended... My heart actually hurt! Stef comes into to hug me goodbye and says " this is not the end only the beginning, my friend" and in those words I found the strength to say " see you later"!
I finish packing my bags to be discharged staying strong and trying not to think of it as GOODBYE forever! Nurse comes in puts me in the wheelchair and asks " are you going to be okay"? OH God please NOOOO, don't ask that! With that very innocent question the flood gates opened and I cried all the way to the car and for most of that day. My Mother and sister came to visit me after I got home and boy was I out of it.
My mom posted a little blog about how she felt about me that day and let's just say she must have thought I didn't cry enough already! She says I looked lost, like I didn't know what to do next and I was. I remember trying to do things and I would zone out and start to cry, DAMN hormones! For the last year I had given my mind, body, soul, and family to Stefanos and our Surrogacy and in one event it had all ended so naturally I had to get my footing again.
I loved getting pictures of the twins, visiting, and continuing the same amount of communication Stef and I had before! This made my healing time so much easier and faster! The first 3 weeks for me and many of the surrogates I talk to are the hardest, trying to find yourself again and who you are without your surro family is one of the hardest things. I remember people assuming it was about missing the babies and always trying to explain it was "Our Journey" it was my Stef I missed so much. No one can truly understand a surrogates feelings when it comes to her journey sometimes not even other surrogates.
I could write in this blog about Our Journey FOREVER, but I won't! I am happy to say I have pretty much seen the twins and Stef every week since delivery! This is not common and I have never heard or seen a story that ended like mine, but God knows I don't take it for granted and every visit is a truly a reward. We have a wonderful relationship one I can not easily explain and will maybe do that at another time. We still text everyday, visit weekly, pictures, and of course EAT... FAT KIDS!
I love Stef and those babies more than I ever expected or thought possible. My world I know is a better place with them in it and the thought of them any where else is not even an option. I don't know how to label "who" they are in my world all I can say is they complete me! I am forever changed by one dream, one journey, and one family!
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